Cím nélkül

 ( zapverho | 2018. november 18., vasárnap - 7:21 )

Közvélemény kutatók faggatják az embereket a virtuális szexről. Megkérdezik az utca emberét:
– Magának mi a véleménye a virtuális szexről?
– A milyen szexről?

Aztán megkérdeznek egy programozót:
– Magának mi a véleménye a virtuális szexről?
– A virtuális micsodáról?

Hozzászólás megjelenítési lehetőségek

A választott hozzászólás megjelenítési mód a „Beállítás” gombbal rögzíthető.

Ez nagyon fájt így vasárnap délután...

főleg úgy, hogy felcserélte a válaszokat. :)
vagy csak fáradt voltam az értő olvasáshoz...

Kb. hasonló, mint amikor a bíróságon kihallgatják az informatikust:
- És milyen a kapcsolata az édesanyjával?
- 8 Mbit-es ADSL...

- Maga ügyvéd?
- Igen.
- És van ügye?
- Nincs.
- Akkor maga ügyetlen?
- De volt egy ügyem!
- Akkor maga együgyű!
- De azt is elvették.
- Tudom már! Maga ügyefogyott!

"I'm a lawyer"
"Honest?"
"No, the usual kind."

Piroska es a nagymama (farkas)
- nagymama, miert olyan nagy a szemed?
- hogy jobban lassalak.
- nagymama, miert olyan nagy a fuled?
- hogy jobban halljalak.
- nagymama, miert olyan nagy az arcod?
- mert Debian-t hasznalok...

I wanted to tell a random SSL joke, but everyone knows already the punchline, that I'm running Debian.

The problem with “knock knock, who’s there?” jokes is, how do you know which port to knock?

I wrote down a Perl joke six months ago, but now I can’t read it.

OSI model jokes work on so many levels

The bad thing about bittor­rent jokes is that after every­body gets them, al­most no­body shares them

The key to any NTP joke is good tim­ing.

The prob­lem with TCP jokes is that peo­ple keep retelling them slower until you get them.

The prob­lem with git jokes is every­one has their own ver­sion.

The prob­lem with mutex jokes is that they’re race-ist.

The great thing about SQL trans­ac­tion jokes is that once you BEGIN, you can ROLL­BACK if no­body gets them.

--
When you tear out a man's tongue, you are not proving him a liar, you're only telling the world that you fear what he might say. -George R.R. Martin

Thanks.. Made my day :D
____________________________________
Az embert 2 éven át arra tanítják hogyan álljon meg a 2 lábán, és hogyan beszéljen... Aztán azt mondják neki: -"Ülj le és kuss legyen!"..

I'd tell you a joke about UDP, but you probably wouldn't get it.

:)

ROLLBACK - megvan vegre, ez lesz a safe word a holnapi csajnak a BDSM-hez.

As my wife lay there, handcuffed to the bed, covered in semen with a buttplug hanging out of her anus, two things occurred to me.
Firstly since I took her virginity all those years ago, she had become more uninhibited in the bedroom than I could have ever anticipated.
Secondly, she had clearly forgotten that I was going to be home early.

As me and the wife headed off on a romantic holiday we talked about what kinky things we'd like to do to each other.
She said, "I've always wanted to be handcuffed."
So I planted a kilo of coke in her suitcase.

My mate's new girlfriend told him she liked it doggy style this morning. So he's taken her up the woods to throw a few sticks for her.

What's 10 inches long, hard as steel, and can keep a woman loyal to you for years?
A deadlock bolt on a basement door in London apparently.

I nearly had a 69 with my new German girlfriend last night.
I wanted sechs and she said nein.

Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

If women are so good at multitasking, why can't they have sex and a headache at the same time?

"Did you know that making a girl laugh is the second best way to get a girl into bed?", I asked my date.
"Really", she asked. "What's the first?".
"A big fuck off knife!", I replied.
"Ha ha you're funny", she said.
"Well done, you've made a sensible choice"

Just had a sexting 3some with my girlfriend and the NSA.

As we stripped off, jumping into the bed, my girlfriend said to me, "Can you give
me a minute?"
"Why? Want to freshen up?" I asked.
"No," she replied. "Its just that last time you only gave me 30 seconds."

I was checking into a hotel the other week. At the counter, a guy in front of me said curtly to the receptionist, "I hope the porn channel is disabled."
Unbelievable what some people are into.

I think my girlfriend has had sixty-one boyfriends before me.
She calls me her sixty second lover.

I got chatting to a girl in a club, "Can I buy you a drink?" I asked.
"Have you not got a girlfriend?" she replied, "Guys like you always have girlfriends."
"No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago," I assured her.
"Oh I'm sorry to hear that," she said, "Go on then, I'll have a white wine please."
A few drinks later after a kiss and a cuddle we headed off back to her place and made passionate love. While I was putting my clothes back on she said, "So, you're good looking, a nice guy and amazing in bed, can I ask why on earth you split with your girlfriend?"
I said, "My wife found out."

Women always say that sex with me is quite a revelation - well - Revelation 22:12 to be exact - 'Behold I come quickly...!'

My new girlfriend said to me, "Be honest, how many women have you actually slept with?"
"Just four," I replied.
"Four women in your whole life?" she asked, "That's pretty good."
"Oh sorry, I thought you meant since we've been together."

As my spunk dribbled down my girlfriend's chin, I looked her in the eyes and said, "Do you like that?"
"No," she replied, "What the fuck is in this sandwich?"

I remember my wedding night, my missus got undressed and lay out spreadeagled on the bed.
She said "You know what I want don't you"?
I replied "Yes, by the looks of it, the whole fucking bed"

I never let my children watch big band performances on TV. Too much sax and violins.

(joreszt sickirol)

--
When you tear out a man's tongue, you are not proving him a liar, you're only telling the world that you fear what he might say. -George R.R. Martin